Courage comes in many forms but the greatest test of it is to live your life despite what people say, do or what's most felt, what they do not do.
You can live your life,
I will live mine,
neither has to mean less.
I will ensure,
that my own,
will never feel slighted,
never feel this way.
I cannot predict any future,
but neither can you.
I have loved despite your downfalls,
despite your choices,
despite your ability to leave others in their place,
while they commit sins against your own.
I am not an issuer of judgement,
but it does not sit well with me,
now or before,
how one sin is washed away,
while the other is not.
The calmness of your denial,
hurts,
but no more than the terror,
you still allow to consume us.
When will it be over? You ask.
I ask myself that too.
When will it be over?
When you realize,
that the greater issue,
is not mine,
its yours.
As long as you cater to our destruction,
I will continue to ask.
Years pass,
aging continues,
but nothing changes.
The want for change is ending here,
I will not be a continuance of your destruction.
5.9.09
Cosmopolitan...
says that you may think I don't see my mistakes, but I do, you may think I do not see the less than perfect consequences, but I do...see what you don't see is that my love is just as good as yours and maybe just maybe I am stronger than you think. Your consequences were yours, mine are mine, but at least I am not living under the assumption that others do not see my reality...as you do.
Sometimes when you make the wrong decisions and things don't turn out the way you assume, there is alot more than just the mistake out there to deal with. You deal with the backlash of all the people in your life that are there to witness it and usually those who reference it for your life time. I have found that alot of life is filled with wrong decisions, possible mistakes and usually untimely events but that the essence of life is making your way through them.
I have for a long time felt ashamed or lesser as a person because of certain mistakes that I have made and certain issues that are still at a forefront of my life. I have always felt bad about things that now in retrospect I should have never felt bad about, but that in itself is a learning experience.
Hours ago, I stood in front of a person who showed me that one thing will never change in my life, and that is the fact that you don't know me. You don't know the highs in my life because you only concentrate on the lows. You don't know my happiness from my sadness because you refuse to be part of my life. You only want your segment and your ideals of what is good for me, never have you put aside your concept of reality for mine. That should have been clear to me from the outset but sadly it wasn't, its certainly clear now.
People say that family is a foundation of life but what is the point of building with bricks but nor mortar? Its as useless as a glass house.
See its easy to measure people with the yardstick of life, but harder still to measure someone by the hurdles they have overcome, because some people never encounter them either due to what they may consider "good choices" or simply the inability to live life. The assumption that some are better than others because as of a certain time they have accomplished certain things does not make them a better person, nor a good person.
There can never be cohesion when you cannot even see parts of the issue, when you cannot face the reality of those who are part of your life. I am not fighting for your acceptance anymore, nor your understanding, I am going to carry on as others do and keep my thoughts aside.
See I have realized my greatest mistake and that has been the hope that you would for my sake, accept. But now I realize that I will have to create for me, outside of this, and stop denying me.
But one day you will realize that to deny me is to deny you.
29.7.09
I am not...
I am not an Athenian or a Greek but a citizen of the world. ~ Socrates.
I am not one thing or another, I am not only one person but of a people, I am not here nor there but if needed I can be anywhere.
In life it is easy to subject others to your views, to your wants, to your ideas but it is undeniably hard to subject yourself to theirs.
In a world so large and unyielding its hard to see that your own kin would be harder to understand than strangers but that is mostly true.
I started this blog on the assumption that those who read it would understand a bit more about me, or at least would come to know a bit of what and how I think.
See what is most important to me has never been to fit in but to understand why I do not fit in.
In times of war and anguish the object of the game seems to fit neatly into a category so that everyone can make assumptions about your cause but that cannot be true in a time where most people are not homogeneous, are not one thing or another but a mixture of the world. Being static is no longer an option. Movement is key both in mind and body.
I am opposed to alot of things and stances but I am most opposed to one of closed mindedness. I have always wanted a few things clarified about myself that I will note today,
I am parts of many communities but have never been obliged to join any because DNA should be the only prerequisite, not your stance on any issue or ritual because ultimately the basis of ethnicity and nationality are determined at conception and not birth. I do not choose who I belong to, it was chosen for me, and ultimately the only person I want to own me is eternally unavailable for clarification until Judgement Day.
These past weeks have shown me that for alot of people contribution to community and family is something that they note through money, time and exclusivity rather than feeling, birth and love. That is to me quite unsettling because regardless of any of those things, belonging is not something that I would choose on a tally system. Denial of someones birthright does not come at a convenience to anyone, it does not come because of a difference of opinion and it certainly does not come from the removal of association for a few years.
My race, my religion, my multiple ethnicity's may not be normal to you but it is my reality and before you comment on anyone's sense of community educate yourself on their background, you may find more than your looking for.
Remembrance of a person can come from a fleeting moment, to a second, from a minute and certainly from a lifetime of moments.
A few untruths can never break a bond that was cemented at birth, but it can certainly cloud your judgement of a person.
Remember to find out why a person is unlike you before you cast them aside.
I am not one thing or another, I am not only one person but of a people, I am not here nor there but if needed I can be anywhere.
In life it is easy to subject others to your views, to your wants, to your ideas but it is undeniably hard to subject yourself to theirs.
In a world so large and unyielding its hard to see that your own kin would be harder to understand than strangers but that is mostly true.
I started this blog on the assumption that those who read it would understand a bit more about me, or at least would come to know a bit of what and how I think.
See what is most important to me has never been to fit in but to understand why I do not fit in.
In times of war and anguish the object of the game seems to fit neatly into a category so that everyone can make assumptions about your cause but that cannot be true in a time where most people are not homogeneous, are not one thing or another but a mixture of the world. Being static is no longer an option. Movement is key both in mind and body.
I am opposed to alot of things and stances but I am most opposed to one of closed mindedness. I have always wanted a few things clarified about myself that I will note today,
I am parts of many communities but have never been obliged to join any because DNA should be the only prerequisite, not your stance on any issue or ritual because ultimately the basis of ethnicity and nationality are determined at conception and not birth. I do not choose who I belong to, it was chosen for me, and ultimately the only person I want to own me is eternally unavailable for clarification until Judgement Day.
These past weeks have shown me that for alot of people contribution to community and family is something that they note through money, time and exclusivity rather than feeling, birth and love. That is to me quite unsettling because regardless of any of those things, belonging is not something that I would choose on a tally system. Denial of someones birthright does not come at a convenience to anyone, it does not come because of a difference of opinion and it certainly does not come from the removal of association for a few years.
My race, my religion, my multiple ethnicity's may not be normal to you but it is my reality and before you comment on anyone's sense of community educate yourself on their background, you may find more than your looking for.
Remembrance of a person can come from a fleeting moment, to a second, from a minute and certainly from a lifetime of moments.
A few untruths can never break a bond that was cemented at birth, but it can certainly cloud your judgement of a person.
Remember to find out why a person is unlike you before you cast them aside.
18.7.09
Plea.
To denounce violence is to keep those close to you safe. To denounce violence is to keep those close to you alive. To denounce violence is to allow everyone the ability to choose their own fate.
By taking up a weapon you give no one a fighting chance, you take away their life not only at the cost of theirs but many others. See when you seek to end some one's chances of fighting back, you end the ability for all of us to fight back. When you take some one's life because of a weapon you are ruining much more than one life, you are ruining the chance for peace for everyone.
When you took his life, you took mine, you took all of ours.
So help me, help him, by helping you. See I know that whoever you are,you understand what you did and that nothing will rest with you until you come forward and take responsibility for the violence you committed. You know that by taking his life you have severed yours as well, because how can you live with this on your conscience?
We seek not to harm you, because he himself denounced violence by holding true to Gandhi's words. We are not looking to blind ourselves, we are looking to see clearly and hear clearly, so that we may live on to carry his memory forward.
The strength it took to take his life is nothing compared to what its going to take to come forward and accept your due, but it can be done, and if you would at least make amends then we can move forward.
The chance exists for you to change your life's course...as you have changed his.
Denounce violence by taking your life in your own hands, try and save yourself in the greater picture.
God shall see your actions on earth and determine your fate in the hereafter so do not take your actions lightly.
As they say it takes a village to raise a child, and as we have raised him, we have raised you, so allow us to help you, we must show you right from wrong before this seeps further into your life and you destroy another life.
By taking up a weapon you give no one a fighting chance, you take away their life not only at the cost of theirs but many others. See when you seek to end some one's chances of fighting back, you end the ability for all of us to fight back. When you take some one's life because of a weapon you are ruining much more than one life, you are ruining the chance for peace for everyone.
When you took his life, you took mine, you took all of ours.
So help me, help him, by helping you. See I know that whoever you are,you understand what you did and that nothing will rest with you until you come forward and take responsibility for the violence you committed. You know that by taking his life you have severed yours as well, because how can you live with this on your conscience?
We seek not to harm you, because he himself denounced violence by holding true to Gandhi's words. We are not looking to blind ourselves, we are looking to see clearly and hear clearly, so that we may live on to carry his memory forward.
The strength it took to take his life is nothing compared to what its going to take to come forward and accept your due, but it can be done, and if you would at least make amends then we can move forward.
The chance exists for you to change your life's course...as you have changed his.
Denounce violence by taking your life in your own hands, try and save yourself in the greater picture.
God shall see your actions on earth and determine your fate in the hereafter so do not take your actions lightly.
As they say it takes a village to raise a child, and as we have raised him, we have raised you, so allow us to help you, we must show you right from wrong before this seeps further into your life and you destroy another life.
2.7.09
Detonation.
Detonation,
screaming,
fire,
Noise.
Light in the distance,
crowds gathered in the city,
waiting in anticapation,
for something anything to happen.
A girl who ran away from the crowd,
screaming for her mother,
frantic parents,
searching for their child.
Sirens,
Police barracades,
Roads closed,
People watching t.v. late at night.
Pandemonium breaks out,
in the crowd,
around the t.v.,
in the streets.
Noone knows what going on...
It's a protest,
it's a child lost,
It's an assasination,
No, its just Canada Day Fireworks across the City, across the country.
See the great thing about being Canadian is that we don't have to imagine the worst, we can have all that anticipation for something less than gunshots, less than bombs and still have the freedom to fight for what we believe.
Being Canadian is great, don't forget it.
screaming,
fire,
Noise.
Light in the distance,
crowds gathered in the city,
waiting in anticapation,
for something anything to happen.
A girl who ran away from the crowd,
screaming for her mother,
frantic parents,
searching for their child.
Sirens,
Police barracades,
Roads closed,
People watching t.v. late at night.
Pandemonium breaks out,
in the crowd,
around the t.v.,
in the streets.
Noone knows what going on...
It's a protest,
it's a child lost,
It's an assasination,
No, its just Canada Day Fireworks across the City, across the country.
See the great thing about being Canadian is that we don't have to imagine the worst, we can have all that anticipation for something less than gunshots, less than bombs and still have the freedom to fight for what we believe.
Being Canadian is great, don't forget it.
Sorcerer
No more fairy tales.
No more tales period.
See our history together was a fairytale,
and once I thought I was cast as Princess,
with a sideline to be Queen.
Irregardless of circumstance,
I have been your wife,
your partner,
your magician.
There is no drama left,
no text messages to be seen,
no late nights to be wondering where you are,
no one I care to know about.
The spell has unworked itself,
the story has lost its meaning,
the end is elusive,
but its there surrounded by lost dreams and memories.
See I tried to make your dreams come true,
but you cannot even partake in my daydreams.
The silence of our story resonates now.
Those we cannot tell,
those who cannot see,
those who wish it weren't there at all.
Our fairytale is just that,
a tale that unfortunately is devoid of a fairy.
She isn't coming,
but she's waiting for you out there,
only you know what she looks like.
So take the book,
the next pages are empty,
my magic is done,
my spells aren't working...
I guess I've lost hold of the magic.
~ N.L.
No more tales period.
See our history together was a fairytale,
and once I thought I was cast as Princess,
with a sideline to be Queen.
Irregardless of circumstance,
I have been your wife,
your partner,
your magician.
There is no drama left,
no text messages to be seen,
no late nights to be wondering where you are,
no one I care to know about.
The spell has unworked itself,
the story has lost its meaning,
the end is elusive,
but its there surrounded by lost dreams and memories.
See I tried to make your dreams come true,
but you cannot even partake in my daydreams.
The silence of our story resonates now.
Those we cannot tell,
those who cannot see,
those who wish it weren't there at all.
Our fairytale is just that,
a tale that unfortunately is devoid of a fairy.
She isn't coming,
but she's waiting for you out there,
only you know what she looks like.
So take the book,
the next pages are empty,
my magic is done,
my spells aren't working...
I guess I've lost hold of the magic.
~ N.L.
29.6.09
Turmoil, Angst, and Sadness
The world today is showing signs of a great depression, but it is not just about money. It is about our loss of alot more than currency, we are standing at a fork in the road of our great history as a people.
The turmoil of the current state of affairs across the world has become so dire, that every time I log into the news websites, another part of the world is going through some crisis. Nations are killing their own people, nuclear war is being thrown around as a future event rather than just an idea and above all we are at a loss as to how to deal with any of it.
We as a people have lost complete control of the situation, noone even has the ability to stop the mechanics of what is happening across the world right now, all we have the capability of doing is logging on, and that is scary.
Loss of choice, loss of control on world issues because we are at the crossroads of our generation but we cannot do anything, we are simply observing what is happening.
Case in point is the death of Michael Jackson, he died at age 50 with a large impact on the world but what are we watching on CNN, how much his life was impacted by drugs, finanical and legal concerns...gone are the days of mourning, we now cyber stalk people until finally we can only youtube their progress to the next world. So many people heard the impact of his passing, but how many of us sat down and realized that as of now we have one less musician, entertainer and soul left on this planet. People at this time are more concerned with his lifes unevents than his impact on music. Music is the reason we know the name Michael Jackson, if he was not an entertainer would we care about his bottom line, his children's custody, his medical history? The answer is NO, but we are no longer compassionate people, we are digital mourners.
That saddens me, it shows how little we have left in the world that is real, so please take a moment, listen to his music, read an article and think to yourself, how do I fit into this? who am I? and in the larger scheme of things...how can I have less turmoil, less angst, less sadness in my own life?
Peace and blessings.
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